Gap and Gain - Changing your perspective for personal growth

Author Benjamin Hardy writes about how the way he views his kids have changed. (‘10x is Easier than2x’ by Hardy/ Sullivan)

• Often, he found himself measuring his kids against some ideal. Where he thought they should be - against a picture or model in his head. 

  • He found himself thinking about their faults or where they weren’t coming up to standard.

• He changed his thinking. 

  • Instead, he thought about the last few months and how his kids had developed – their achievements and how they were growing as individuals. 

  • He found this was a much more ‘optimistic’ way of thinking.

People who follow the first approach to assess areas of their lives are said to be ‘in the gap.’  They often end up frustrated and have a negative view driven by how much has to be done.

Those who take the second approach are ‘in the gain.’ They see themselves or others building and growing. (See ‘The Gap and the Gain’ by Hardy and Sullivan)

Our careers are a long-term affair. A classic example of the ‘infinite game.’

Yet so many of us spend time comparing ourselves to some ideal. Where we think we should be. Or against where other people are in their careers.

• In a career spanning 40 years, the fact that a colleague has had a pay rise or promotion, or someone has got ahead, is hardly relevant. 

• In fact, in an infinite game, the only competitor you have is you, yourself yesterday. 

Or in the works of Jordan Peterson (’12 Rules for Life’),

‘Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.’

Think about the skills/ experience today than you didn’t have 12 months ago.

What about the things you have achieved this year? Think about how your CV is building.

Or why not write yourself a letter dated March 2025 to your present self. Describe ell the achievements you have accomplished and how you have grown between September 2024 and the date of the letter?

‘Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.’